Aging

I found a string of white hair this morning, and suddenly I realized that the signs of me aging is apparent enough to see now. It’s not just the hair, I stared to notice the skin on face is no longer smooth as it used to be, and those dark spots indicating aging start to form around my eyes. I don’t think they just appear overnight, they must have been there for quite awhile. How did I not see this, or did I notice this deep breath but chose to not look into the mirror just to escape from the fact that I am getting old.

I never thought I’d be afraid of getting old, it’s inevitable after all. In my junior years, I set an expectation of my lifespan to be around 40 years. At that time, it seemed so far away. When I start realizing that I’m approaching that “target”, it starts to feel different.

Before today, whenever a new idea came up in my mind, I’d always say I’d do it tomorrow. But now, the white hair is like a constant reminder that I may not have that much time left. That if there is anything I want to tryout I should start acting on it.

There is this scene in a popular anime last year “Sousou no Frieren” where Frieren delivers the farewell letter to Serie for her mentor Flamme after she had passed away, and Serie invited Frieren for a walk to talk about Flamme. Serie mentioned that Flamme was always in a hurry like something was chasing her. Just because Flamme was human, and their life was so limited. That if they’d want to achieve anything meaningful they’d have to make quick decisions and get on it. I didn’t pay much attention watching this scene the first time. But when I realize I’m in the exact position like Flamme, this urge arises.

No more waiting for tomorrow, starting today, I’d be actively acting on my thoughts. Let’s see where that can lead me to.